Thursday, October 30, 2008

If i Struggle

If i struggle... If i screw up today... Once... twice.... If i do all these things that jack up my life... Its only because im trying to learn... trying to be better then i was. I don't consider myself the type of person who lives in the moment. My mindset is in the future. My hopes and my dreams are stored in the person that i've yet to become.

The Man who loves God with all His heart, body, mind and spirit and gives glory and honor to Him, daily. The Man who loves and cherishes his Wife to no end. The Man who loves his children and won't ever bail on them but will guide them in their growth into young adulthood, pooring out confidence and encouagement for whatever they wanna do in with their lives. The Man who has a career and pays the bills and not only takes care of his family, but uses his salary to help those in need...

So if i mess up today... My fault... I'll try my best to do better tomorrow... Don't consider me right now. Its not who i am.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Chinatown Grime

I went on a little journey today, for my class, but mainly for myself. I didn't plan on getting deep about this trip, it just kinda happened just now. This quarter, our project is to model 2 seperate scenes, and somehow have a middle section where the 2 melt together and turn into the other. Like transformers. haha... not really. Anyways, i decided to do the first scene on good ol Chinatown.

I was inspired by this photo of a back alley of a gritty chinatown. Oil, slime and cluttered with pipes and trash cans, junk. It was great. Thats just how we chinese do. You know? I went to chinatown and low adn behold, all over the place, i found this dream of grittiness. Is that a metaphore for how asians live? Is that a metaphore for how things really are...

We all see the Chinatown entrance, big and grand. Lovely to behold, but the streets are greesy with the oils that spill from the restuarants and the dishes that they serve. Tourist snapping photos while illegals cary cargo in and out of stores. Air vents, pipes, more air vents and pipes, chipping paint with rotting trash cover the back alleys of the most prestige restuarants. trust me, none of them are 5 stars. You may think that the tables, dishs look nice and the food is set up in a way where even the most divine of emporers will smile if they saw the food. But you've never seen the kitchens in which that wonderful food is made. haha. You wouldn't want to. Trust me.

People look lavish on the outside to cover the grime on the inside.

I don't know what the second scene is going to be.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Beauty in Imperfections

Ever since i met her, i've never found anyone who could top her... In beauty, in moral and virtues, in loving God and Christ her Savior... In serving others. Never have i come across a woman so in tuned with the heart of the maker of the universe... Sigh... I have to come to conclusions with myself and admitt that i am deeply in love with her... Her heart, her mind, her body, her eyes, love those eyes, her hair, her smile, her nose, her feet, her hands... Her deeds, her laughs, her sorrow, her connection with the Spirit... Her pain... Most of all, her imperfections...

i kinda think you can love something so much until you see the wear and tear on the side, until you see that something that wasn't suppose to be seen. Until all that has already been portrayed to you has been whiped clean and this thing or multiple things have a presidance to change the way you percieve that person... BUT... it doesn't. I find beauty in her imperfections. I love them. I love her... She's constantly on my mind and im just a phone call away... but... the problem is... she doesn't know...

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Leah's Gig

So the entire day i been working on a flyer for my friend's gig. She's gonna be headlining North by Northwest on October 3rd. It was like 11 something and i find out that the photos i got are not suppose to be edited at all... So... thanks for telling me too late... Now they're scrapped. Me and Kenny were tryna come up with something, but even kenny didn't know. and i just kinda gave up after i found out, kenny picked up the slack and came out with a ok flyer... yea, its ok. nothing special. It would've been if the pictures were editable. haha. and i wish i could post them up here, but i don't think i have the authority to do so... so anyways. this is just me complaining.

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Decision and Then Some

So, past events have altered my ways of seeing m current situation and i've realized that everything that i had wanted to do was so far off from what God wanted me to do. He brought me back to the original plan, after all these years. That being to live my life to the fullest while respecting my mothers wishes that i not attened church. However this time around, really just be the best son i can, and to show off the glory of Christ in the house and not just when im out and about. Hopefully, in doing so this time around, moms will really see the Christ in me and wonder what the heck is all that mess? and just... i dunno. I think the main word here is Hope. Its what changed everything this break....